2 days & Zoe

It's 2 days until we drive away from this house. It never felt like home except for my parents being here, but nowhere else did either. The Czech Republic felt more like home than here-I at least met people & made fantastic friends, went out, etc.

 

Zoe cat died Feb. 1st, 2011 & I still haven't been in the backyard to see her. With the emotional state I'm in, how on earth-this solar system will I say goodbye?

 

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Sides of sides

I just watched Bridesmaids, & had no idea it was as serious as it was funny. I often feel like the main character-left behind while everyone else is married with 7 kids & perfect jobs, etc. Of course that isn't the case-& everyone sees & takes information & life differently. We all interpret the same thing so vastly unique, & as lonely & out on a limb as I feel I know there are those who feel the same though to me they seem to have everything together. This is a painting I did, & put through different techniques just a few tweaks off you get interpretations that are miles apart. I have no answers or solutions to which one is the way my life should o, & I'm not going to pretend that it is easy in any way, shape, or form. I do know that I like each picture for their own merits, pros & cons.

 

 

 

Mind on fire

This is the state of my Chaosed Mind. The scary, the part that misfires & causes me to seize up & fall, the part that causes me to lose so much strength in my hands (why I have been tested for MS twice in 4 years), the memories, the fears, the stress dreams, the fog, the over active pain center, the hopes, the wants, the needs, the creative, the stings, the grasps, the missed, the smiles, the music, the poetry

Kony 2012

As I sit here crying & bitching cos I had 4 really painful fillings yesterday, & have to go to the dr today, I watch this-& see how lucky I am to have medical care. Watch this please-spread the word, pass it on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc

Chai bunny, false mommy to be

Female rabbits can fairly often think that they are pregnant...& Chai bunny is no different. She has a nest built up in the closet-& when I say built up I mean it's a foot high, & she goes in the neck of a sweatshirt & the inside body is full of her own pulled out fur, newspapers, bags, phone book pages, hay, etc. She currently has Sugar, the left foot of my old bunny slippers, guarding the nest-face down in the fur lining of the entrance to said hutch. While Sloan & family were here Chai took Sugar & Spice (the right slipper) into the closet on guard duty. Spice is currently sitting with his face touching, not just under, Chai's water bottle tube. She managed to sneak an old washcloth halfway across the room on its way to the nest before I got it...she keeps my life interesting in more ways than I can begin to explain. Here are a few photo-manipulated shots of her begging for treats beside my bed & enjoying them like the little whiny grunty pig dog she is ;)

 

 

 

Grieving the small

When people are around that normally aren't, as a sick pro you notice the little things. My sister, husband, 2 teenage nieces, and adorable dog are leaving tomorrow after being here a few days. We've had a great time, & today they shopped, got mani/pedis, etc. Chai bunny got petted a good while by lovely Abby, & loved her...& didn't want me to take her back up. She thumped when I put her back upstairs, as she had traced out to the full attention of someone who is sweet & is able to sit on the floor with her, & not like me-who has to reach down from the bed. Emma got awesome new shoes & Abby the cutest dresses. Cameron & I talked iPad technology, & Sloan & I talked everything. They ate out, took dad to the movies, & did the normal things. I forget how much people really live until they're around. Of course I hold no bad thoughts about any of that, but seeing a dress I might have worn, or a movie I would see on the big screen, etc, a part of me grieves, & parts of me die. That's normal, & if I wasn't that way I'd be lying.

 

 

Czech pub crawl days

 As my parents are getting us somewhat started in the moving process, every single day seems like there are new things of mine in the garage to discuss of 'can we give this away?' or boxes to sort through. Day before last one box held some very dear treasures. It was in a box of what seemed to be my lingerie drawer, & as I don't really have a need for much of that these days it had been in a box in the garage. When asked why two shirts & some others dear things were in said drawer, I smiled & answered that they were so special they deserved to be kept with lovely things. One was a beer shirt from a Czech company I worked for, & the other was my dear friend Henry's birthday pub crawl t-shirt. I cried when I read & saw all the things on it-a Scottish flag drawn by Stevie, Zoe the cat on one sleeve, Rob's 'Marnie is cool' heart drawing, my 'pivo/piva/piv'...the three forms of the p,urals of beer depending on how many you were ordering, with a little beer mug next to it. I miss those days so much, & the friends I still have now, even ten years on. 

 

 

 

Would this work/I want this

Would this work for an iPad? Hmmm

MoMA Store - iStand



I'm trained to see bunnies...& things on sale!

MoMA Store - Nature Boontje Charm Necklace



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Location:Brain/heart

Wants & desires

Me, sleeping almost solid for 2 days. My idea of hell.


In bed, actually enjoying myself is something I can only imagine, & pantomime.



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Location:Bed

Fighting for peanuts

Being a vegetarian, I often will just know that I'm low on protein, so if I don't want to eat yet I'll just grab a handful of peanuts...dad's favorite snack. Today after dad came home I had my very own jar o'nuts with a big, red 'M' on the cap.


Mom has a way of marking food we share, which, while driving me nuts later makes me happy when I can bargain with dad if he has something I want : )

Since Zoe died, the parents cat Macy now loves to get right next to me when I'm downstairs in their room, watching TV. Never a substitute for Zoe of course, but having a cat curl up next to me & purr does give me a bittersweet smile. Her Macy is just a few hours ago, as close to my leg as she could get.



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Location:Downstairs

No bows for me

Many people like the neat, solved in 1 1/2 hours Hollywood endings.



I like the messy-the complicated-the real life in my tv & movie watching. Seeing how someone survives when a problem isn't solved but will have to be worked through-that's what inspires me. Watching the creative process the subject uses is what I love to see-& figuring out ways to get through the puzzle of whatever they are facing-illness, criminal, power hungry family, vampires or the justice system.



Take away the pretty bows & give me the knot any day. I want tips on how to survive!

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Location:In front of the TV/iPad

Outside inside

Mom had 3 vases full of hydrangeas for me when I came downstairs today. My favorite ones were the ones in my Czech crystal vase, a gift from Marketa, a student & friend. Mom tries to bring the outside in for me to enjoy. : )






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Location:Downstairs