Heating pads & terrored thoughts

After my 4 filling go around a couple of days ago, my back jaw tooth is starting to lessen pain wise, but the jaw & neck strain of one with TMJ has hit hard tonight. I've been laying on my angry back so I can have my head propped up with that strangely uncalming blue heating pad behind my neck, offcentered to the left with my face trying it's best to keep my unhelpful left jaw somewhere near the heat. The featured pic is reversed, as I have no good light source at present on that side, but hopefully you get the point.

 

My heart ached as I just finished a funny, grieving, poignant mystery wrapped in an unlikely love story from a British TV series on Netflix. Thinking of moving on-& the evidently us moving to Arkansas hits my heart with a panicked bolt of terror. Yes there are pain clinics...but have doctors moved there since I left who can do the spinal shots? My first Little Rock doctor did shots but at the source of the pain-not the root where the pain originated. Yes, I'm told pain killers like I take here are probably possible, but that alone isn't enough. And probably? Probably? I silently start weeping, quietly as Chai bunny has been so concerned & up on my bed no less than 7 times in the past few days-tears running down my half-hot face as I ponder 'probably'. Sitting in my primary care doctor's office Wednesday, I felt like I was holding out as I could tell she knew I was holding out, as I can't figure out how to say the words 'we are probably moving. In a few months'. Dad made the 6 month blood tests & follow-up as I waited in the car, not being able to stand lying in her office anymore. I asked him why we even made an appointment that we know we probably won't be keeping. It came out harsh when it meant to come out terrorized, but my brain is so lost it doesn't know how to communicate anymore. I just wish I could have a heating pad wrapped inside my head, go into a coma-like state & not come out until there were no more probablys, & only things have been made markedly better with your 3+ medical specialists.

 

Kony 2012

As I sit here crying & bitching cos I had 4 really painful fillings yesterday, & have to go to the dr today, I watch this-& see how lucky I am to have medical care. Watch this please-spread the word, pass it on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc

Dentist, dentist, dentist, goose

In trying to get in all things dentist before the bought insurance runs out, I've spent way too much time there lately...at least or my back & flaring fibro's sake. I've been too tired to eat or do much of anything. Have four fillings later today, then my rescheduled primary care doctor tomorrow. All I want to do is curl up again & stay far, far away from any medical establishment.

 

Worth at least a few words

After yesterday's adventures in dentistry, these pics show better than I can explain how I feel on the outside, inside, my physical self, emotional self, mind, soul, heart, & brain.

 

 

The cleaning fiasco

Went to get my teeth cleaned today. Huge phobia of dentists, & hadn't had my teeth cleaned in a long while. Those of you professional spoonie sick people get how seeing 3-5 doctors regularly doesn't leave much time for dentists, & disability doesn't cover dentists. Lovely. Anyway, after getting 2 out of my 4 needed fillings & learning that laughing gas really helps keep my back ok during the process, I agreed to get the cleaning as they promised having laughing gas to get me through it was fine. They were fitting me in, so dad & I waited for about 30 minutes, in chairs that hurt so much, which feels ridiculous saying, much less typing & publishing for the world to see. I kept thinking, 'well, you'll be under the gas soon' to keep me from leaving. So they call me back & we soon hear that oh no! The one room in the joint that doesn't have gas in it is her room. She suggests we just do full mouth X-rays. Against my better judgement I agree. Dad had to run an errand & left. She not only does X-rays but for some unknown reason does every single tiny bit of every tooth with that evil 2-sided hook torture tool, while I'm bleeding everywhere & she is scolding me for not coming in sooner as my insurance, bought from them runs out in a few weeks. She calls dad back & tells him how bad my gums are & that I need serious gum therapy. This is now an hour and a half later. She brings my dentist in as he has to check me before I leave. He comes in & all four of us are in the room, & tears start just pouring down my face...though I'm completely silent. She didn't mean to but blamed the medications, stress, etc for why my gums are so bad. & heredity of course. We finally leave, & I weep openly for about an hour after. I now have a back that is screaming in pain, & it feels like muscles are being fed through a meat grinder while still attached to my bones, ligaments, & spine. Chai bunny got in bed with me & tore apart the goodie bag with the free floss, toothbrush & paste, as if she sensed hat new foreign bag was the source of my crying. So Monday I have part 2 of a promised gas filled cleaning, & Tuesday my 2 other fillings get filled. Then the next week neurologist to give spinal hots to try & undo the damage done today.

 

 

 

Bruises without boundaries

As a girl who has to take loads of medications, vitamins, herbs, etc, I tend to bruise easier than the Georgiaiest peach. After the 2nd big fall a few weeks ago, my dentist has me taking even more generic Advil for inflammation in my gums & right side of my jaw, which is still preventing me from biting down properly. After getting spinal shots on Valentines day, I also got the usual pain shot which helps the hour drive back home less painful. I woke up to find this bruise wrapped from my right hip/bum area all he way around my hip & stomach...roughly the size of my iPad. Lovely, no?

 

 

 

 

Dentist after the fall

 After falling almost 2 weeks ago, it was time to see the dentist as my teeth aren't hitting right & biting down isn't working. We were scared I had bent my bridge (front 4 teeth on top) & that it might need replacing, etc, but thankfully it just bruised the gums a lot & there is still a good amount of inflammation affecting my mouth/bite. Also my right side of my jaw is swollen & sore he discovered. So all in all it went much better than I expected. 

 

The bad part...& many of you professional sick people will understand, just sitting in the dentist's chair (even with my pillow I brought under my knees) starting shooting pain from my back & pinched nerve within a few minutes of sitting down. It's so hard to explain why later in the day & days after why sitting in a nice, cushioned chair can really hurt in the long run. I have 4 cavities I have to take care of in 2 separate appointments later in the next few weeks. :(