Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
I have a great app that gives you around 30 words, and you make a poem, one liner, etc. and add any background, including a picture. i thought this one of me, head bent over, ponytail hanging down, semi-resting after my spinal injections.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Chai bunny is always so sensitive in knowing if I'm really feeling badly, especially after I get my spinal shots every month. Normally I hang my hand over the edge of the bed to pet her as she gets as close as possible to my slipper/hhouseshoes, as they are the closest part of me on her level. I used to hang my leg and foot off to pet her, which she LOVED but after my MRI showed the pinched nerve, after i went to pet her again I felt pain exactly where the pinched nerve was injected, so sadly that practice has stopped.
Last night I couldn't pet her at all from the bed as I was just so sore and in pain. People with pets often say that when they are sick, especially ones with chronic or a long-term illness, they feel their pets react very differently to them, and I truly believe they sense something. I might be crazy, but knowing I'm crazy makes me sane, right? : )
This afternoon after a nap I felt Chai jump up on the bed, and she normally always sits on my chest or my stomach, but today she just patrolled the perimeter of the bed and sat beside my face until she saw I was awake and she rubbed her adorable nose on my cheek. SWEETEST. BUNNY. EVER.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
here is my day in pictures.
arrive after driving a little bit and hurting a lot, but dad wanted to see if i could still drive. i haven't in a few years and i miss it so much-so he let me drive about 15 minutes, loved it-then started to really hurt. finally got to the neuro office 30 minutes later.
the blood pressure cup and the new nurse almost broke my arm-they normally use the manuel one and it doesn't hurt as much, but as it was her first day/week, i didn't want to cause problems. i started to crumble.
after being on the x-ray table before and after the dr. came in and gave me injections into my sciatic nerve (he said it was incredibly swollen) and my pinched nerve, he ordered a pain shot, but the nurse forgot to come get us, and it took about 30 minutes waiting for her to check with him, find a room for me, etc. i was biting the crap out of my lip to keep from crying.
got home, after a horrific drive back, went upstairs because i was in so much pain i couldn't control my temper, crying, tone of voice, irritability, and just didn't want to put mom and dad through that. they do enough for me and at times i just know i will be difficult to be around, and i just take myself out so i won't say or do something that comes from the pain talking. i try to recover.
i have horrible stress dreams, and the last few nights they have involved moving out of a place but the new occupants are moving in their stuff. in one, i was helping move my mom's old business but we couldn't as there were sharks swimming around (as somehow in a BOOKSTORE) we were in knee deep water, and the new owners who owned something totally opposite of books, so we kept clashing, getting tangled up, etc as we would pass. also, i was bitten by a shark but no one believed me, and as i bleed into the water it brought them back for more.
tonight i dreamed i was moving out of my old university dorm, except i had 2 other roommates and the three newer, much younger freshmen girls had already moved in. and then other roommates, suitemates, etc kept showing up and i could never get my things out, and keep finding stuff of mine but no boxes-things like that. i wake up from these having panic attacks sometimes. i know it is stress, but it hit me tonight that maybe it is more about the overlap in my life. the almost six years i've been here. i moved here at christmas, so that might be a trigger with the holidays coming up...who knows.
today i see my neurologist for my spinal shots, and i am talking to him about a medication that i so need but i need to switch to a different kind. it very easily could be making me dream so badly, and he does deal with all things brain related. until then, sweet dreams. for you i mean. : )
Monday, November 14, 2011
when i'm in pain and can't sleep, there are tons of things i do to pass time. tv, music, pictures, drawing/art, reading, etc. you get the drift. today i took out my iPod and listened to the newest Florence + the Machine...just stunning, brilliant music. it took me into another place mentally, i flew around in the Milky Way for a bit, then finally went to sleep. good thing too, as tonight, holy cow...issues, issues, problems, misunderstandings, issues, disagreements, holiday plans and scoldings for my "performance" of years past. can i tell you how shitty you feel when you get somewhat scolded for not being as on as someone thinks you should be when family are here? my pain could care less about if family/friends are here, if i need to be downstairs visiting, etc. i feel bad enough, but to be reminded of my failings makes it much, much, much worse. i dread the holidays already now.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
so for an early christmas gift, i got an Apple Mac knockoff bluetooth keyboard for my iPad for $15...awesome...and while i had my iPad in the other room charging, i was screwing around with the keyboard and managed to turn on the iPad, start music playing, typed a note, and scare the crap out of myself when the music started. tehehe. so with my awesome lapdesk and now my keyboard, i can have a sweet not killing my fingers time. : )
Saturday, November 12, 2011
After watching a rather painful episode of Fringe, I asked my self a question. Rather, I allowed myself to pose a question. A husband & wife team had come upon math that in theory could open a time continuum, time machine of sorts. She then developed a disease...a painful, awful, horrid disease. He went on to finish her work, & to the detriment of others could have his old, non-sick wife back for short periods of time.
I know that fibro has been with all my life. It would have come up whether I had my accident, where the heavy boxes/reams of typing paper fell on me & woke up the sleeping giant of fibromyalgia. The question posed was this: if I could do anything in the year before I broke my ankle (& after I had the box incident...the ankle break, bone graft surgery, & 3 year ordeal would have brought fibro out-of this I'm sure)-but what would I have done in that short period of time to prepare, knowing my world was about to end? Make plans? Profess love? Gone out every night as I knew my going out days were almost over? Found a boyfriend/husband, adopted kids, & gotten my house in order? I have no answers for any of those. I don't know if I would have done much differently. But here, in the early, cold, gut wrenching pain levels of this night, I wonder.
Friday, November 11, 2011
After having to update & change blog apps, I am here. Ugh...but yay.
I was shocked to see I had gained some new readers, & felt awful as I hadn't checked that blog email to see their comments, so my new friends, thanks so much!
I've been really down lately, & shingles on my opposite side of the norm showed up again today, same exact place. Just another bump in the road...but damn how I hate those bumps. There is a game called Bumpy Road & every time I see it I just have to laugh. I really need to download it sometime & see if I could beat it! Right, I'll shut up & get to the pics ;)