Missing House

Yesterday I went to the neuro. After running the tests 3 times & my proteins being slightly elevated I have for now (again) been ruled out MS-wise. Of course we were thrilled, & after the dr gave me 2 shots in the sciatic nerve & pinched nerve. I was really hurting-I hadn't realized that for me/a fibro person, the spinal tap took a lot more out of me than I thought. Our cable went out, & sadly I missed the series finale of House. Look, I know his character was an ass, yet I grew to love him. Better or worse parts of how he acts reflects me sometimes. I guess having the world see how chronic pain can change you helps me cope somehow. I love & will miss how he, as well as my real doctors see me as a pattern & puzzle for good-not something to chuck out & refer endlessly to other drs to get me out of their offices. Being dismissed because you are too complicated is a special kind of rejection hell. This pic & poem (instant poetry gives you 35+ words & you make something with it) was taken tonight, after I slept about 19 hours. Enjoy & excuse the crazy. :)

 

Mean girls

Recently I had a strange virtual encounter. And not of the fun kind...my blog automatically links/is networked to my Facebook, & though I usually post it with an intro, it goes up regardless. A girl who I rarely talk to-one of those friends we all have-you went to high school or university with them, but you aren't sure exactly who they are but you have 37 mutual friends...I think we all have those & some have become my favorite people on earth, some not. Anyway, I don't know if she knew the blog attached was mine as it doesn't have my name & could be something I just put up on my page, but she made a pretty rude comment asking where I got such s#+t. I didn't know what she meant but it came across, & I heard privately from people who were really upset that are spilling out my heart in the particular blog she wrote that on my Facebook page, for my nieces, cousins, etc to see, that she felt my attitude/me not 'don't worry be happy' feelings weren't how she subscribed to life. As my mom taught me, I considered the source, though I still can't place her ;) & this morning unfriended her. She won't care & it doesn't matter, but I realized how lucky I am to have friends who understand firsthand or support me even though they can't totally get these illnesses. It really hurt though, & it bothered me all week. I'm letting it go, after a week of wounded pride & waiting to see if she would say anything, then a few hours ago seeing a status I felt was ridiculous pushed the unfriend button. Weight lifted.

 

Czech pub crawl days

 As my parents are getting us somewhat started in the moving process, every single day seems like there are new things of mine in the garage to discuss of 'can we give this away?' or boxes to sort through. Day before last one box held some very dear treasures. It was in a box of what seemed to be my lingerie drawer, & as I don't really have a need for much of that these days it had been in a box in the garage. When asked why two shirts & some others dear things were in said drawer, I smiled & answered that they were so special they deserved to be kept with lovely things. One was a beer shirt from a Czech company I worked for, & the other was my dear friend Henry's birthday pub crawl t-shirt. I cried when I read & saw all the things on it-a Scottish flag drawn by Stevie, Zoe the cat on one sleeve, Rob's 'Marnie is cool' heart drawing, my 'pivo/piva/piv'...the three forms of the p,urals of beer depending on how many you were ordering, with a little beer mug next to it. I miss those days so much, & the friends I still have now, even ten years on. 

 

 

 

Determination & my only friend

I slept until 10:30 tonight...sad & alone. I had taken these pics of mom's cat Macy, determined to fit inside a small shoebox. At the bottom my only polar bear friend :(