Keep calm...WEGO/HAKMC Day 9

For day 9's task, we were to create through the keep calm & carry on maker online, but to use our message, illnesses, etc to personalize. As the lymphedema (severe swelling in one leg) is getting much worse, it is very hard to just walk. A few hours ago the parents called me down to the garage to go through a few boxes. I was hurt & surprised as they knew how going up & down the stairs is a ton more difficult with the left leg elephant limb...it was tough. To see an ex-boyfriend's postcard, bits & pieces from my teaching, overseas souvenirs, marriage things, you get the drift.

Of course I made piles of to save/donate/throw out, & feeling like an emotional rake was gouging through me I took a few pieces (that I'll through away) but not before I, as always, document some of the things, & explain their relevance. In keeping with my quest to document by photography this savage disease, I made this 'keep calm' alteration.

 

Masks

We all wear masks at times. Mine lately seem to be mask of the unknown future. Mask of a move. Mask of the old me. Mask of saying nothing & keeping the peace. Mask of hiding how scared I am of leaving my doctors. Mask of feeling forgotten.

 

Zoe cat, Oct. 25,95-Feb. 1, 2011

 I just woke up, in a frenzied, panicked state. A year ago today, I had to put my beloved Zoe cat, age 15 & 1/2 years old, to sleep. It was the right thing & all that, but it is as fresh & cruel as it was a year ago. My longtime vet had the wisdom after giving her the shot that would end her & listening to make sure her heart stopped to gently wrap Zoe up in the towel I brought her in, to give me visual closure. To see her disappear into that mint green rolled up towel will forever be my last look at Zoe. 

 

I read recently somewhere about time healing, so to give time time, but for me, in this state of the housebound everyday is another long, hard same day, I hate time. Time in this case has put distance from that event but has only broken my heart more. Yes I remember all the good times with Zoe, all the overseas close calls & her little passport that got left in the Prague airport, but right now all I feel & have felt this past year is pain.