Sunday, April 15, 2012

Day 16 writing style #HAWMC #WEGO

For me, something, a picture or event just goes from brain to blogsy. I'll be watching a movie & have to stop & write my blog...example: after 'fight' tonight with family about moving

Today I realized that from now until we move there will never be a day when I'm not asked to go through boxes, asked about items-should I, can I, may I keep things? Things I love. Things that bring back memories. Happy memories, sad memories, bittersweet memories. Each item has a story, & each story carries grief, laughter, love, & letting go. Mom & dad see my reaction to this as anger-when it's the opposite. Each item I see Zoe, from the first day I got her until the day the vet put her to sleep. I see my overseas life-when I did something that mattered. I helped people...there was a need for me in this world, & there really isn't that need now. I see old friends-some I hold so close to my heart even though I've lost them in one way or another. I see Kris-my late brother. I see my old future potential. I see my test results that admitted me into graduate school. I see gifts from my university students. As much as I hate to say it pain overwhelms any feeling of joy at looking at these precious items. Mom & dad think my resistance to change boils down to drs & morphine, when it's grief over losing professionals who see me as a person who is legitimately hurting & in pain. Mom feels she is the whipping post, dad feels like the joy he used to feel can never be found again, & I feel like an anchor weighing them down from sailing into their sunset years together.




  1. You write with such passion and feeling. It more than likely feels like cold comfort for change. I think I've lived long enough and had at least my fair share of sadness and grief to know that it is incredibly difficult (??impossible) to respond in an adequate/appropriate manner. I would simply like to say I hear your thoughts and emotions and respect your honesty and authenticity. I can so relate to the anchor analogy - I've felt like that for much of my life (for one reason or another). Once again there are no useful words I can find to ameliorate that predicament - sometimes saying I think I get it is the best we can do. I really enjoy your posts - I hope you are able to derive some pleasure from your writing - many have been the times when that is the only thing I have felt I could do half well. Wishing you the very best. Jeff.

  2. Jeff, I can't thank you enough for your words. Words are precious to me & I take things to heart so deeply (too deeply at times ;) but your words touched my heart in the perfect way. Thank you