Happy birthday Kris-you deserved to be my 41

I watched Modern Family a few nights ago-hilarious as always. One of the characters had a leap year birthday, & so in his lifetime he had 9 actual, Feb. 29th birthdays, & this was to be his 10th, although he was turning 40. As it ended up after disaster party plannings & fall throughs of people, places, & things, his partner realized he just wanted to be 10 for that night, not 40. Hilarious, poignant, & so sweet. They rode roller coasters until they got sick & loved every single vomit filled minute of it.

I've never been a big birthday person about myself, & for the first time ever I will admit why. I've been sick all my life. Not like now-professional status, but amateur sick. My brother died of cancer right before his 13th birthday, & a month & a half after my 9th. He was 11 days short of turning 13, & died an agonizing death. Cancer didn't kill him-he drowned from the vomit in his lungs from the cancer 'complications'. Complications my ass. That's how it was phrased but shit, I think a stronger word than complications is deserved.

I always have felt guilty that I lived & he died. Still do, & I doubt that will change. Perfect kid, great at sports, so smart he'd be off in Memphis having surgery or chemo, come back to classes & ace tests over material he knew nothing about. Sweet, loving, loved the kids who no one else liked, treated everyone with love & respect. That kind of kid. I still question God's judgement on taking him but leaving me, a amateur in training sick girl. That's why I've never relished my birthdays. Mom & dad-no one knows this, but as my life is so open now, thought I'd get it out.

 

 

Right before I took on my professional status ;)

 

Bunny, shingles, & lungs

 Since I moved in here 5 years ago, I developed (probably due to an allergy) a horrible chronic, deep, body-wracking cough. Last night I felt like my upper back was hurting...& long story short, we realized my lungs were so congested & stopped up that simply put, my lungs hurt. I have an appt next Monday with an ENT, to figure out if there is more I can do to keep this cough at bay. I was treated for pneumonia in February, & it feels the same. Stupid lungs, breathing in fresh air! ;)

My shingles are back on my thigh, & they are so tiny but managing to get a pic today to confirm was a great accomplishment. Wanna see? 

 

 Sweet Chai bunny honestly, it's happened & has been witnessed, will thump when I'm asleep but my lungs/breathing are raspy. She is, we are convinced, magic. She has been on high alert as my coughing that (scares mom's cat downstairs) doesn't really scare her but keeps her hopping away as her giant ears are being split with my decibel raising coughing. She also will wake herself up thumping, will continue softly thumping as she makes sure whatever she was dreaming about is gone. That bunny keeps me smiling even in the absolute worst situations. I'd be lost without her.