Feeling the shingle's fire

I first got shingles my senior year of high school. It started by my lip underneath onto my chin (following the nerve there) itching like crazy. I thought I had gotten a bug bite but there was no mark. Within a few hours-the next day blisters came up & the race was on. Since then, aged 18 through now, i've had shingles almost always on my face at least 30+ times. I now can feel them coming on, the stress bringing the fiery itching & burning until the blisters appear. I know this bout is brought on by my weakened immune system after spinal tap & spinal shots, & this horrid moving worries. Last night as I felt the shingles silently making their way to the surface, I let the tears come as needed, for holding them in would only further their strength.

 

This morning...#HAWMC WEGO day 12

Today we are to start with the given sentence & just free write. 'This morning I looked in the mirror' & immediately looked away. It's funny. I've been documenting my illnesses for almost 5 years now, & most of the pics are self portraits. I don't mind looking at them...even though they are me they aren't. They're the subject of documenting fibromyalgia & how it looks, acts, is. Taking pics & opening myself up to something so vulnerable is a project-a coping mechanism, just like blogging & a pic a day is-it might seem vain but it's a far cry from that. I used to photograph my overseas living, travels, & when I became housebound I had to turn the camera on myself to face what I was becoming. It was a way to learn to live with this new, foreign me in a distant way. Taking it as a project kept it from becoming too personal at first. I was looking at a disease. I hate seeing myself. I hate looking into a mirror. There are days I purposely don't look in a mirror for days, yet I see myself in photo manipulating pics daily. I'm sure it will continue to stay that way, though I know it's not totally healthy. Just trying to make it minute to hour to day to week to month is hard enough.