Time's humor

I was taking a pic recently & ended up capturing the wrong edge of the intended picture. Doesn't matter what or why, but I found the accident photo compelling. My eye in the pic is looking up, looking to see if I'm holding the cell camera right...which I wasn't, but my eye looks normal. Not so sad. Not filled with tears & dread-I was so focused I was too busy to look like my soul felt. I was playing with my hair. Let me explain-I found a subject a day chart on the net & thought I'd try it-& that day's was descent...however you wanted to cover or interpret it. My hair has changed so much since I got sick & I was thinking about the descent of my hair from well to sick, though my hair itself is really healthy. I don't style it, blow dry it, put any product in it-so it is totally boring & natural. Anyway, thinking about the last time I had it cut professionally-I can't remember.myears. A decade maybe. In a few hours I'll leap out for the first time in years to call a pain clinic. Evidently we are moving this summer, & I need to call them to see if they can take me, what I need to do to start the ball rolling-all the stuff that terrifies the one's who feel a good doctor is far more important than most anything else in life. I'm so scared-what if they aren't accepting new patients, or what if they are not a good fit? I've even had dreams of calling them with disastrous results. For me the unknown used to be so exciting. Move to a new country in 6 weeks without knowing anyone or speaking their language? Can I come now? Start grad school in my 30's with no money? Sign me up! Snorkel the great Barrier Reef even though I'm scared of fish & sharks? I only live once! I was pretty brave. Really fearless. Now making a phone call that signals me leaving my beloved doctors is much scarier than getting on a plane to commit to a country I can't pronounce most of their words. & away I go.

 

Yawwwwn

Ever since the spinal tap I've been exhausted. Way, way, way more than the normal me exhausted. I got shots in my pinched nerve & sciatic nerve Monday. I've been sleeping at least 19 hours a day since. Amazing how your body reacts to various things & I guess how my body is trying to protect me from myself. I slept all night on & off the recommended heating pad (usually it's ice down my pants but dr. T said heat this time around) & didn't take my last pain dose as I fell asleep. Waking up moments ago, all my mistakes arrive knocking at my door. Pill? Taken. Sat up & hunched over & stretching? Doing. Cold club soda out of the 2 liter? Gurgling & making that fun bubbly sound. Chai bunny is at my feet happily munching on a treat & very happy I'm awake. I sat up in bed gingerly yesterday & ended up indeed protecting the new shot sites yet forgot & twisted or wratched the spinal tap site. My face & lips are swollen from meds & the steroids in the shots, & my hair looks like really bad uncute bed hair. When I feel guilty that I can't work, help people, you know, be a productive human being, I try to remember days like this.