Stillness

Some days the impact of what I CAN'T do overwhelms me. I've been living this way for years now, but certain days I wake up from dreams in which I'm not sick, then realize I still am. It's quite a cruelty joke-in my dreams I run, dance, love, date, am with friends...then the stillness hits me.

 

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Let it out

Today was an incredibly rough. Not just the usual pain & angst, but in trying to get my doctor here to send records to some unknown pain clinic 3 states away & failing, I realized there are a ton of pain doctors/clinics/but some do the meds but not the spinal shots, some do the shots but no meds...you get the point. I became incredibly frustrated. I can only see Internet info which is often very one sided. I realize as my friend described it I'm back on that house of cards. Before I even really started building the cards ripped, & my panicked mind along with it. I had to just give in to the panic attack, lay my head down & get in a fetal position modified to my screwed up body, & just let it out. For now.