Finality in Lights

I love having my new, own place. Chai bunny has loved exploring & ripping pieces off the maze of cardboard boxes, climbing up my 7 pillow stacks, searching for the previously hidden tootsie roll bag with her massive hound dog nose, & taking her stuffed friends all over to show them their new home. We put up a string of lights as a banner on my bed, adding some whimsy & light to my otherwise kept vampire-like dark I keep for my insane fibro-sensitive eyes. Otherwise I've felt I have had nothing to say, nothing to feel, just nothing. My doctor is good, although his wanting to skip a month in visits & not really planning anything new in the way of treatments is a bit worrying. I guess I feel that like an elderly person going into a home I've gotten to the place in a figurative sense I've come to die. That's ok, but just so final. One of the main reasons we moved is to be closer to family, for my parents know after they are gone I'll need help just existing...though I worry & feel badly for whoever gets saddled with the burden of me as a professional sick person. I hate feeling or thinking like this, but it comes to me when I'm sleeping through stress dreams & is on my mind when I wake up. Hopefully Chai bunny will continue to jump on my bed & wake me up with her fuzzy face & big eyes watching me as I open my eyes.

 

 

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Making the bed

I've been really sick lately. My body seems to have forgotten what proper seasons feel like, & for over a week my sinus/allergies/cold has switched into high gear. Crazy how my body forgets how to fight & adjust to something I lived with over half of my life...after living 5+ years without seasons, my compromised body doesn't know what on earth to do. All I know is that if I don't see real snow after the packing, moving, stress, etc I will flip out. Dad found a bottom/fitted sheet & brought it over. He is really busy today, so I made myself switch around the mattress pad, put on a bottom sheet, & rearrange the batik bedspread so he didn't have to come back over. I have been so happy to just have a bed, tv, fridge, & Chai bunny I've lived without a sheet for a couple of months. Your priorities change when you focus on just getting through each day & night as best you can. Chai bunny loves the new & improved bed, jumping up & thumping so hard she bounced to announce to the bed that she had arrived. Of course my body is cursing me for not waiting for bed-making help, but as the parents are sick with cold front colds too, I just wanted to do something for myself. Mom sent me these roses from one of our many flower bushes last week, & today as they are dying I fell in love with the poppy-like look of the huge middles & had to take a picture. An almost dried Cabbage Rose, watching My Name Is Earl on Netflix, & Chai bunny visits set my mind at ease a bit as I try to breathe deep & fight through one more day. & fresh sheets are just the icing on my happy little cake ;)

 

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My amethyst house

As purple is the awareness color for fibromyalgia-& a longtime fav of mine, dad so lovingly painted 2 walls gothic amethyst, a grey-silver light purple & the other two a dark eggplant color called purple blanket. I love the names of paint colors! He had a toilet & sink put in-I'll use their shower in their house for safety, & we angled my bed against the two white shelves we're using (that mom lovingly donated to the cause) as a privacy barrier in the corner by the bathroom. As I spend so much time sitting/reclining in bed, I wanted it a major part of the plan so I can see the tv, face the love seat for company, etc. I had gotten the black wooden sleigh bed back in graduate school-it has 4 spiral silver knobs on each corner that I adore. Mom & dad gave me the gorgeous batik bedspread (that perfectly fits my queen bed) they got in Indonesia. It's perfect! Chai bunny is loving the huge space compared to the only place she has known-the old bedroom. Though the apt is basically an efficiency it is huge to her! It has a garage door that we are covering with my massive vinyl collection on shelves & an old school pull-down school map. I love that I have built-in shelves by the bed for keeping my cords/iPad/kindle, etc right there in reach. This is my 2nd night & I'm just thrilled! Thanks for all of your great wishes! Also a huge thanks to mom & dad, & my brother for finding the guy to put in my bathroom-he chose a great guy.

notice Chai under the table...

my magic bed

media center & my Indonesian triangle shelf

Chai bunny in bed

Watching the last 'Closer' from bed :)

Record players & shelves

 

Headboard details & gorgeous eggplant paint!

 

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Moving to apt!

An hour-ish Chai bunny & I are moving into our apt/house in the backyard of the parents house! We've been dying to get out there but we had to get fixed in the main house first...so pics to come! Here's the paint colors & my one of a kind Indonesian Batik bedspread from our time living over there...& finally I'll be back in my own black sleigh bed after 6 long years. Much to celebrate tonight!

 

Chai bunny adopted my childhood friend Marshmallow from my dear friend Laura!

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Feel good Friday-retraining the cogs

I've talked often about this upcoming move. Every fiber of my being says disaster yet I have no choice. Losing my doctors at this critical juncture is too much for me to stand. Yesterday, as my parents were packing, they found & brought down a gorgeous batik bedspread from our time in Indonesia. As the house they bought has a small workshop in the backyard-that will become my home. There's no bathroom or closets, but I've been trying to refocus on the fun I can have semi-on my own again. As I was offered that bedspread, I realized it's not necessarily what I would chose but rather after a few hours of it spread out on the bed in front of me, it started choosing me. Showing me a glimmer of hope of a few things. Nothing will be fixed physically, I am not to be a miracle healed, but I can spread out all my boxed up vinyl records, & life, & at least listen to my records at full blast as the pain washes over me.