Saturday, May 26, 2012

Hands keep the fear away

I've always loved horror films, books, etc. A great thriller or race for scary survival & I'm there...but from a young age through my teen years, I would watch with my hands over my face, peeking out between my fingers, knowing if I got too scared I could close that gap & be protected. I still love horror-not just slashers but ghost stories or Jaws or the enemy might be a microbe or robot. I love the bravery. The fight. The willingness of some to sacrifice for others.


Now, having had severe stress dreams for the past 5 years, funnily enough they aren't your typical horror, but scare me so much more. I'm abandoned. I lose my pets or can't find food for them as they die in front of me. I'm back trying to work while the boss is ganging up on me because I can't pull my weight. I wake up exhausted, & honestly I hate to go to sleep. When you dream such vivid things you make yourself stay awake sometimes, terrified to go back to bed. This stems from lack of control-the stress felt when you can't choose anything anymore. I so often wish I could just sleep with my fingers across my brain, & keep the terror from entering my soul.


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