when i'm in pain and can't sleep, there are tons of things i do to pass time. tv, music, pictures, drawing/art, reading, etc. you get the drift. today i took out my iPod and listened to the newest Florence + the Machine...just stunning, brilliant music. it took me into another place mentally, i flew around in the Milky Way for a bit, then finally went to sleep. good thing too, as tonight, holy cow...issues, issues, problems, misunderstandings, issues, disagreements, holiday plans and scoldings for my "performance" of years past. can i tell you how shitty you feel when you get somewhat scolded for not being as on as someone thinks you should be when family are here? my pain could care less about if family/friends are here, if i need to be downstairs visiting, etc. i feel bad enough, but to be reminded of my failings makes it much, much, much worse. i dread the holidays already now.