Monday, February 20, 2012

Self in fade

Often times seeing family, as fantastic as it is, leaves me lonelier than I thought possible. My siblings, both close to my age, married & with great kids is very bittersweet. My glowing, honest, thorough joy for them is also shadowed by the me that could have been, or the possibility that one day it could change. Dad asking in front of the group to go to the movies with hem, knowing fully how bad it is just riding in a car, much less being in difficult seating, trying to walk distances so tough, but feeling like there might be a slight hope that maybe I'll say yes...cos I don't look sick. How do you explain how most chairs are torture chambers? That sitting at the table for 30 minutes leaves one in excruciating pain later that night? The gracefulness that they hopefully will never know that pain, but the frustration felt looking in their puzzled eyes as they try to understand.

 

4 comments:

  1. :( Maybe this will help? http://www.swimmingdragontaichi.com/2012/02/the-secret-healing-power-of-tai-chi/

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  2. This is how I feal. Switching to a vegan diet has helped me more than I ever thought possible, but I still deal with aches and pains. Of course, exhaustion is something I will probably always battle. My family has stopped inviting me out, which I thought was what I wanted, but now I just feel neglected and unloved. I won't raise issue about this because I am an adult, and complaining about it would expose me to a certain amount of ridicule. I know it's for the best. Going out with them would only leave tired, which makes me cranky.

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  3. Thanks guys! Nellie, I'm a vegan/veggie too-have been for years, pre-stupid illnesses! I paid for sitting in a chair (& had a fall which didn't help) today, am barely walking today. Ugh. Stupid body!

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  4. I am so sorry to hear that. I still can't believe how it came to be that my body turned on me. I feel old for my age.

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