Often times seeing family, as fantastic as it is, leaves me lonelier than I thought possible. My siblings, both close to my age, married & with great kids is very bittersweet. My glowing, honest, thorough joy for them is also shadowed by the me that could have been, or the possibility that one day it could change. Dad asking in front of the group to go to the movies with hem, knowing fully how bad it is just riding in a car, much less being in difficult seating, trying to walk distances so tough, but feeling like there might be a slight hope that maybe I'll say yes...cos I don't look sick. How do you explain how most chairs are torture chambers? That sitting at the table for 30 minutes leaves one in excruciating pain later that night? The gracefulness that they hopefully will never know that pain, but the frustration felt looking in their puzzled eyes as they try to understand.