Thursday, December 8, 2011

the sound of rushing blood

today i went to my dr to see if i had this bizarre Lymphedema. as they had worked me in-and we had waited for 2 hours, and there were so many people in the waiting room that the office had to put out extra chairs, i left there with more questions and a 'damned if you do, damned if you don't" feeling. first things first-when my beloved dr walked in, i could see for a slight second what her feelings were-she was exhausted already-had a ton of people yet to see, etc., but it flashed across her face briefly the look of "oh no, puzzle health girl is back'. i know she doesn't think of me that way-but we have frankly discussed exactly that. it hurt my heart, though i knew she didn't mean anything at all badly towards me. she set her nurses up with the instructions of getting me into a blood supply/vein study ultrasound. pic below of me, fading away from me and into my pain and illnesses.

one huge side note-the only way i can stand to sit is 'indian style'. i hate saying that in case it causes offense, but other than the lotus position (which really is different) i don't have another way to say it! it kills my back, pinched nerve, all and everything when my legs are hanging down, stretched out in front of me, etc. this has always worried my parents, and she said to try and not sit like that-and i get it-but if i sit properly it makes my back much worse, and for lasting periods of time. if i sit indian style, evidently it could be causing this insane swelling and awful pain from hip-ankle. so either way...???

we left her office with an appt. to see her next week, the day after i get spinal shots which isn't going to be possible as i can't do anything, especially sit in normal chairs in a waiting room a day after needles are plunged in my spine. driving 2 hours round trip next week to get shots, then to have it all be a waste if sitting and waiting in her office would kill me. just another side note.

i went a few hours later for the ultrasound. basically it was pants off, tuck towel into panty leg to keep gel from getting all over them, and the very nice tech had to go from groin to ankle and listen to blood flow-which sounded awesomely cool by the way, but then in three place-above knee and below knee and in the groin-push down with the ultrasound stick as hard as she could for a reason she said but it hurt so bad i didn't hear. it might not hurt the normal person, but for a fibromyalgia girl with swelling that hurts anyway-along with tender/trigger points, i barely managed not to cry. she couldn't tell me anything but will send it through the radiologist, then dr, etc. etc. etc.  pic below-my hand covering my girl bits and the veins and pathways of my blood flowing.

i got home, and after only sleeping about 3 hours the night before slept from 3 PM to 3 AM. i am so sore-everywhere she pushed really hard is throbbing, and i feel like my body was put through a pasta maker to make the flattest noodle-so no real news yet-and a lot of questions and pain. ; (

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