Falling

Fell again today...but at least my brain told my arms to react this time. Been on a heating pad for hours...& family came in tonight to visit for 3 days. I can tell I'm boning to be a fantastic host. Oh sarcasm, we get on so well!

 

Bruises without boundaries

As a girl who has to take loads of medications, vitamins, herbs, etc, I tend to bruise easier than the Georgiaiest peach. After the 2nd big fall a few weeks ago, my dentist has me taking even more generic Advil for inflammation in my gums & right side of my jaw, which is still preventing me from biting down properly. After getting spinal shots on Valentines day, I also got the usual pain shot which helps the hour drive back home less painful. I woke up to find this bruise wrapped from my right hip/bum area all he way around my hip & stomach...roughly the size of my iPad. Lovely, no?

 

 

 

 

Dentist after the fall

 After falling almost 2 weeks ago, it was time to see the dentist as my teeth aren't hitting right & biting down isn't working. We were scared I had bent my bridge (front 4 teeth on top) & that it might need replacing, etc, but thankfully it just bruised the gums a lot & there is still a good amount of inflammation affecting my mouth/bite. Also my right side of my jaw is swollen & sore he discovered. So all in all it went much better than I expected. 

 

The bad part...& many of you professional sick people will understand, just sitting in the dentist's chair (even with my pillow I brought under my knees) starting shooting pain from my back & pinched nerve within a few minutes of sitting down. It's so hard to explain why later in the day & days after why sitting in a nice, cushioned chair can really hurt in the long run. I have 4 cavities I have to take care of in 2 separate appointments later in the next few weeks. :(

 

Groundhog day, the movie

 I have a friend who never really watched tv or movies, but LOVED the flick Groundhog Day. With Bill Murray in it you can hardly go wrong (God I love that man). Funny thing about my life...I live that movie-where everything is the same day after day after day after day after day-did I mention day after day? The only things that change are the number of my falls, which beloved pet dies, & the once a month awesome yet painful neuro doctor visit-awesome cos he is the only person physically close (as in I see him regularly) to me that really, truly, thoroughly gets fibromyalgia, the depression, the extreme sensitivity to lights, flares, & knows why & exactly where it hurts every single time. 

 

 

Now, evidently in a few months my day will change. I will move. I will grieve, yet again, about losing someone I love. But that's par for my course, as losing friends who can't understand why sitting & talking to them keeps me in bed for a few day, or why working 4 hours a week (which my friend said '4 hours a week is nothing!') truly is something impossible in my world, or friends who devastate me more by saying 'you can do it! You'll be fine' having no idea the cost. 

So happy groundhog day to my friend I miss so much I get physically sick to my stomach, who I will always link him & groundhog day, & to those of you whose days vary, I envy you in a sweet way. For you will never know what reliving the same day over again for 5 years does to a persons soul. 

 

A poem a day keeps the therapist away

 Not that I have anything against therapists, I just don't (but I'm sure I need) have one

 

 

Bruised art

While my internet was dead & I was going crazy...so isolating...I made some art out of my bruises. ;)

 

 

 

 

Pic circles

 I first turned the camera on me & my struggles as a coping mechanism about 4 years ago. This pic was the very first I took, & when I saw it, was stunned to see what I had been feeling on the inside on the outside, so that others could see. Yesterday I opened an email, & saw that pic staring at my from this fantastic fibromyalgia & chronic pain group. After the past week, falling, etc, it was so great to see something come a bit full circle. 

 http://visitor.benchmarkemail.com/c/v?e=12CF96&c=2508E&l=1C6583F&email=0pQroMpw105javDeHn2WJRZvSxx3FN1CNyIeD9VsXLU%3D&relid=C6EC165

 

A pic speaks my 1,000 words

 

Sweaty laugh

 I haven't laughed in a week. Not at all. I think we all are aware of my impending moving dr doom & my 2nd tree fall this week, thus my haggard rodeo clown face. I can't really brush my teeth as my mouth is still so swollen, & drinking or eating is a nightmare as opening my mouth cracks open the road rash above my lips. Lovely thought, ain't it? And showering? Well, let's just not even go there...eewww. So I'm on twitter to basically win prizes & follow funny people. I put little-nothing out there of any real significance. At all. I was catching up on reading twitter as my focusing on say, a book, is a useless waste of time. That fall really just hit directly on my brain. I was reading the delightful Rob Delany's tweets & went on his website, expecting it to be a normal 'I'm famous & here is where you can find me' mess. A picture of a small girl running, no, fleeing, up in the air-like serious hang time, in spandex shorts & flip flops & a tank with a look of shear terror on her face as a goose-also in midair with one footed web foot out & forward like a cartoon chased her. His face had an enchanting murderous look & the caption read 'no is not an option for a goose'. I started laughing & a half hour later had sweated completely through my clothes, still couldn't talk from laughing & deep coughing. I finally had to blow my nose & as expected there was just buckets of blood from my smashed nose all over. Mom actually said concerned 'surely one of the 4 CTs from the ER would have shown if something was broken...?' with loving hate I composed the following tweet to @robdelany & a bit later was thrilled to see he had marked it as a favorite. Read & enjoy. ;)

 

 

 Do visit him & the goose now, you hear? Thanks. 

F is for firing flare-fall

 So a couple of nights ago I fell again, but for the 2nd time in just a few months it was what I fondly call a tree fall. I get dizzy, start to fall, & instead of my arms or hands coming up to assist me, they flake out. I just fall like a cut tree without my reflexes or time to yell timber. After going to the ER & being given the all clear, I headed to my neurologist for my monthly appt. the timing couldn't have been better. I had landed on a very thin rug that covered hard, cement tile & hit on my nose, then barely skidded on my face, landing on the right side. I landed the exact same the 1st time (if nothing else my scoliosis is telling) except I landed on Chai bunny's hay pile. Same whiplash, but minus the road rash on my face. The nurses at my neuro office took one look at me & after dad told them I had been nauseous even with meds from the ER took me back after only one song on my iPod to give me the usual pain shot I normally get after. It contains a medicine that fights nausea, so of course that helped. I got straight in almost to the x-ray table, & my lovely dr was shocked at the looks of me. He explained that sometimes when I go into a flare, I fall like that-& that it is like lighting a match to a more ordinary flare & it just exploding. After the 1st time I tree fell we I'd the whole series of MRIs to again rule out MS. He gave me a shot right in the neck (ouch) & one in my lower spine. My face still looks clownishly awful & my teeth & bridge seem off, but everything is so swollen it's hardly surprising. Needless to say I'll put the dentist off for as long as possible. 

 

With us moving I'm more fearful than ever about finding a dr who will not only treat the pain, but have the knowledge & my trust to let them inject my spine with needles. (as well as talking about me living alone again...cos I was on the floor, blood everywhere & bled for a good 3-5 hours solid & on & off through the day...)

 

 

 

Epic kindle giveaway!

 A cool virtual shirt...& I got loads of free books, & now that I'm so extra sick, those books will help get me through the rough nights!

 

 

The fallout

 

Help me OBI 8-ball, you're my only hope

 I'm exhausted. I'm damaged. I feel I'm done. Cleaned out Chai bunny's litter box last night & the simple act left me so bad I just had to drop the heavy bag in the hall, & barely made it to my bed before my back collapsed. On days like this I just don't know. & I don't even know what I don't know. Xxx

 

Chai bunny, the happy end to this day

the past few days have been, well, less than perfect. 5 year mark of me being housebound...normal holiday family fights (cue christmas movie montage), me disappointing others unawares, you know the drill. tonight i kept noticing Chai bunny going into the closet and nesting...she came out and i got to catch one pic of her, half her mouth sticking out with her own fluff-and on the left-a long piece of hay. god bless that bunny! ; 0

Merry christmas/holidays/new years/etc. and may it be over really soon! oxoxoxoxo

the fallen

tonight i fell. again. for the third time in a sitting position, crashing down to the floor-landed on a bottle and the imprints are starting to turn into bruises. it's so humbling to realize that your body and what the old body could do are no longer one. 

i cried so hard as it just hurt in my hip, hands, head, etc. i scared poor Chai bunny to death and hours later she has finally calmed down-but still won't come over to where i fell. : (