Day 18 WE ARE DIREWOLVES...#HAWMC WEGO

Our starting point for today is to open a book (or in my case-my kindle, though I did open the book I was reading & turn the pages) & the first sentence you see to use that & free write for 15-20 minutes. My book is the first Game of Thrones books...full of epic battles, love, loss, dragons, knights, power, the throne, kingdoms, flaws, strengths, strong women, smart men, etc. All the things you could possibly want from that genre, with a bit more. Oh, & direwolves, violence, & wildlings. ;)

'She's not a dog, she's a direwolf.' I immediately go to the 'but you don't look (or sound as I was told recently) sick' phrase all of us invisible illness people have heard at some point. We may look like a normal wolf, but we aren't...we are direwolves. We are different. Stronger. Smarter. More intuitive. I've met so many of us who seem to have or have gained these qualities from having these illnesses. We may look like a wolf, but inside, we are special. We are stronger. We are direwolves. There are many minuses in being 'special'. I don't have to waste your time in listing all of them. I've learned though that we are so much stronger, tougher, wiser, & braver in being abnormal. We have the fire inside of us. We have the strength to be vulnerable. We are on the battlefield daily, & we have many, many scars to prove it. As one of my twitter friends says, we are chronically awesome.

Pic titled The fire inside

F is for firing flare-fall

 So a couple of nights ago I fell again, but for the 2nd time in just a few months it was what I fondly call a tree fall. I get dizzy, start to fall, & instead of my arms or hands coming up to assist me, they flake out. I just fall like a cut tree without my reflexes or time to yell timber. After going to the ER & being given the all clear, I headed to my neurologist for my monthly appt. the timing couldn't have been better. I had landed on a very thin rug that covered hard, cement tile & hit on my nose, then barely skidded on my face, landing on the right side. I landed the exact same the 1st time (if nothing else my scoliosis is telling) except I landed on Chai bunny's hay pile. Same whiplash, but minus the road rash on my face. The nurses at my neuro office took one look at me & after dad told them I had been nauseous even with meds from the ER took me back after only one song on my iPod to give me the usual pain shot I normally get after. It contains a medicine that fights nausea, so of course that helped. I got straight in almost to the x-ray table, & my lovely dr was shocked at the looks of me. He explained that sometimes when I go into a flare, I fall like that-& that it is like lighting a match to a more ordinary flare & it just exploding. After the 1st time I tree fell we I'd the whole series of MRIs to again rule out MS. He gave me a shot right in the neck (ouch) & one in my lower spine. My face still looks clownishly awful & my teeth & bridge seem off, but everything is so swollen it's hardly surprising. Needless to say I'll put the dentist off for as long as possible. 

 

With us moving I'm more fearful than ever about finding a dr who will not only treat the pain, but have the knowledge & my trust to let them inject my spine with needles. (as well as talking about me living alone again...cos I was on the floor, blood everywhere & bled for a good 3-5 hours solid & on & off through the day...)