Ripped. The app, not me ;)

Mom & dad surprised me with champagne for new years! It's always a hard night...& this being my 5th year of housebound, alone celebrations, they gave me the bottle to spread out over 2-3 night. I have a new photo app called 'ripped', where you can rip what sections of a pic to show...it's awesome. Woke up at 3:30 AM as I hadn't taken my pain meds & am know dying, but I can remember & will the bubbly fun I felt while drinking in my love-champagne! 

Chai bunny & Macy the cat

My parents have a lovely, unique, quirky cat named Macy...& Chai bunny likes her, but Macy is scared of Chai. Macy went into my...or Chai's room & Chai went growling & chasing her out. A few days ago they were both out in the hall & got nose to nose-so cute & peacefully. Today Macy came up when I let Chai out, & as soon as Macy saw Chai she ran under the bed, not realizing her long tail hanging out gave her away. Chai then kept looking at me, wondering where her friend went...

ouch. the emotional kind

after a gift-a really special one-to a family member wasn't received or even wanted after I showed them-I showed them the photograph I had chosen (a few actually) to see what sizes, etc., I was told she didn't want them. After a week of this person letting it be known my presence here isn't really wanted-how my dad needed to choose between me and her-it just hurts. Being somewhere and knowing one party doesn't want you there is quite gut-wrenching. 

elbow to fingertips

at times, whether it be from rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia, etc. (and quite frankly i am beyond caring) my nerves from elbow down the arm and moving on the top and bottoms of my hands, wrists, and into and up to my fingertips burns, hurts, stings. it feels as if i have hot sharded pain, at times white hot, coming out of my fingers and onto whatever has the misfortune of being next to it...here are two pics of the best i can try and portray what they feel like

Chai bunny, the happy end to this day

the past few days have been, well, less than perfect. 5 year mark of me being housebound...normal holiday family fights (cue christmas movie montage), me disappointing others unawares, you know the drill. tonight i kept noticing Chai bunny going into the closet and nesting...she came out and i got to catch one pic of her, half her mouth sticking out with her own fluff-and on the left-a long piece of hay. god bless that bunny! ; 0

Merry christmas/holidays/new years/etc. and may it be over really soon! oxoxoxoxo

The 5 year milestone

I think as a nation we are somewhat conditioned to having that saving twist-the something/someone comes in to save the day kind of ending-to beat the bad guy. Personally for me I blame sitcoms and Sweet Valley High books. 5 years ago today I was forced to resign due to medical reasons from teaching, sent packing, and was home moved in with my parents a day or so later. Needless to say it was a tough Christmas. 

I really thought that after 6 months to a year-after resting and regaining the strength from my 3 year battle with a very complicated broken ankle that put my fibromyalgia in a tailspin that I would somehow get better and start a new plan. For at least 2-3 years mom and dad talked about getting me into an apartment when I got better-I think they just needed to hold on to hope that I would rebound. Within year 3-4 thankfully for my sake that subject of job/apartment/etc. stopped. 

I consider myself so blessed-so lucky that my parents stepped in and swooped me up without batting an eye. I could be going through this and be homeless, or in a country where women aren't even allowed medical care, or in a remote part of the world where technology couldn't help me have a window out of my battered, cramped, crinkled cocoon. Along with that of course comes the crushing grief of what was lost 5 years ago. I don't feel sorry for myself-but I do allow myself to grieve. For the chronically ill grieving is an ongoing process. Everyday almost we stubble across something that reminds us of the old me, the old life, the old plan. Yet I strive daily to give myself the freedom to grieve along with the freedom to keep going. Not to a specific place or time, but just to hold on and try. 

The great Pad & Quill app

I love the look of a moleskin notebook, with the elastic little band that keeps your secrets safe and sound, and have a gorgeous grosgrain ribbon bookmark in each little book. I have a lot of writing apps on my iPad, but ran across this one by 'Fabulously Retro' and the people behind 'Pad and Quill'. They have loads of different covers-all different fonts and colors-and they stack up like a little bookshelf on the screen. I've already started 4 notebooks since yesterday, and at 99 cents, it was a great stocking stuffer I stuffed to myself. ; )