#Listof3 Day 5-national health blog post month

 

Today is a very difficult day to write, as I'm going through a flare-meaning every pain is felt more, I am so exhausted I cannot keep my eyes open for days at a time, & it seems even my emotions hurt. As I sit here crying, I think of a list of 3 things I'm thankful for/inspired by/excited about. For me-in this dark, cold moment, I am inspired by these 3 things.

1-my darling, sweet, amazing house rabbit-Chai bunny. Her boundless joy for life inspires me to keep going. To raise my hand to continue petting her even though my hand is cramping & tells me I'll pay for overdoing it later. That even though she herself will cease to breathe, her happy joy will live on.

2-our newly discovered backyard turtle, who we named Pepper...life must seem so frustratingly slow at times. Even though he knows nothing else, surely he must notice how fast the birds in the yard hop around, rise up & fly 6 feet over, or swoop down to grab bread crumbs I leave out. He inspires me to accept myself-even when it seems everyone around me can fly so far & so very fast.

3-it sounds crazy but my paints inside the apps that I digitally paint with. Even though they look so beautiful in the little color wheel that gives so many choices-when I spread those watercolors out, it never ceases to surprise me a bit on how gorgeous they look even watered down. One stroke of color-even a muddy tone-conveys so much-even the darkest ones. I'm inspired just in how the colors themselves change-develop-& blossom on my digital screen. When you put one next to another how they either harmonize, or bring out the true colors when paired next to their complementary color, or even bring out the beautiful shades in the lighter colors on either side. We all play a part even if it is to support the other.

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Chai bunny's new neighbor

Being housebound I don't go out. Really ever...except to doctor appointments or into my parents. Dad had found a turtle last week when mowing, & today came & told me that the turtle-we think a box turtle-was out running away from the weed eater. Mom suggested I throw bits of Chai bunny's leftover veggies to keep him safe in our fenced yard-but I was feeling ok & actually went out twice-in 107 degree heat index weather. I took a piece of carrot & found the turtle digging a pretty decent size hole to hibernate in, & when I gently lifted him out he/she hissed at me! Very Chai bunny-like behavior. Later I returned & walked right passed him without noticing. Fantastic coloring! He had eaten the tip off one side & came out & started walking. He isn't at all nervous around us to my delight...we are still trying to come up with a name-& me energy to search for him more often.

 

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Fevered dreams & little surprises

After a week of fever, swollen glands everywhere-one even hardening into a small marble under my arm-I woke up this morning after having feverish stress dreams panicked & stuck. After starts like that it's nice to find some little surprises & discoveries. My love of detective mysteries was delighted to find that netflix has 'Cracker' & 'Durham County' on streaming. The forst stars the fantastic Robbie Coltrain set in the UK, the second a strange, twisted, nightmarishly fantastic Canadian series that has moments of last year's 'American Horror Story' from FX running through it.

I stubbornly want to decorate my little house like I used to be able to, & a few days ago got out & shelved about 50 of my vinyl record collection, of course overdoing it in the process. A guy I used to work with gave me all of his record collection-& it's a really, really good one. I got it about 7-8 years ago but never really was able to see all of the records-& putting them up found loads of the Rolling Stones, the Beatles (with posters from them still perfect in the sleeve), the Who, Led Zepplin, & Neil Young-& the wonderful Johnny Cash. My friend & I used to play the side with I Walk the Line over & over again. Swoon.

I found a giant hedgehog, or a Czech 'Jezek' from a class of a dear Czech business I taught & loved. Chai bunny is in love & took to him, licking his furry nose immediately.

Dad brought in my grandmother's old mirror, & even though it isn't up & might not be for months-it's ok. Just having it around thrills me.

Mom found my bedspread/blanket I used in Indonesia, with all it's holes, faded stripes, & soft love clean & ready to have as an extra blanket on my bed.

Last but certainly not least, dad was mowing & found & brought this adorable turtle for me to see. It stuck his head out & started walking, not at all shy. Of course I'm now leaving little bits of veggies & leftover Chai bunny food outside for it, hoping he will become friendly & we can have a proper turtle/tortoise & the hare/nut head bunny fable happen in the apartment! Chai bunny had made a path around the sofa, under the bed & beside the boxes where she zooms around-last night I heard her skid off the carpet & onto the concrete floor as the sound of little paws & nails went across concrete...so she's practicing! All we need now is Mr. Turtle to return! Finally, & with fever I had to go numerous times & stand in my front door & let the hurricane rain soak my face. Having my own front door to open in private behind the house & fence of my family is great. I can stand in just a gown & no one can see my moon face happily letting rain run down my neck & back, for Chai bunny to investigate after.

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